A Really Good Friday

April 18, 2014February 11, 2021 yelverto Hodgkin Lymphoma Journey

What a week. After such a celebration last week you would think that was the final note, the end, the last tale, but alas I was not out of the woods yet. In fact the chemo has been dragging the cancer out of me this week…..kicking and screaming all the way. No one ever told me that cancer would be easy to beat nor did they say that it would go off without a hitch. I just stupidly assumed those things. This last chemo treatment went in without a fault and I got many congrats and lots of pats on the back, but the thing is that the treatment is only half the journey. The rest of the journey is what it does to you on the way out. I was living on the high of being done with my chemo regime. Friday I taught all day, Saturday I had Keifer’s (really great greek food) on a beautiful day. I got to celebrate with my very good friend Adam in preparation for his wedding in a few weeks. I was really living. Sunday I knew would be the beginnings of the tough days so I took it slow that morning and then actually made my way to the MS Mu Alpha Theta competition. I was the needed second sponsor for our trip and our high school brought about 25 kids so I came for moral support mainly. Truly I sat with the students that were inbetween events or not in other events and tried to just stay chill. I made it through Sunday without incident and really enjoyed my time with our Mathletes (Mu Alpha Theta is a math organization for high school and junior college students).

Monday would be doomsday.

Even with all the rest and relaxation I could ask for, the cancer was not ready to say I give up. Around midday I felt Migraine 1 float into my life. I sadly took my leave early from the math competition and traveled home to my bed, medicine, cold patch, and sleep. I spent the next 3 hours sweating, writhing, and taking trips to the bathroom to be sick. I barely ate that night and went ahead and called in sick for the next day. In all the excitement, I completely forgot about an important meeting for my graduate project. When it rains…it pours as they say.

Tuesday, the migraine hit at 8:30 and did not dissipate until mid afternoon. That is when I got some truly quality sleep. At this point however, I was exhausted from pain, nausea, and my room was covered in Kleenex, ice packs, and pill bottles. I called in Wednesday sick as well. This time something different happened….I woke up with the migraine. Another fun first. Again the morning was spent on meds and trying to sleep, but at least there was not as much nausea. Wednesday evening I was feeling much better, but also feeling like I had just been through a blender. Thursday was my first attempt at going to school all day and it worked. I took it slow and barely left my seat, but I got most of my classes caught up, but there were at least two scares where I just knew I was about to go down again, but I took precautions and actually made it through completely fine.

Thursday ended up being a great day, because not only did we get our home professionally cleaned (we have a baby shower here on Saturday), but my dad also came and cut our yard for us. So not only did I come home feeling like a better, healthier person, my house smelled wonderful and looked fantastic. Then it was time for the season finale of Parenthood and I got to do my last podcast of the season with my good friend Axel. Thursday was the turning point and now it is time to have a Good Friday.

I don’t know if you have been able to read all my posts since I started blogging in January, but if you have I think you will have noticed a few things. First of all I love Jesus, and I truly want you to know that it is because of Him that I have such a “positive” warrior spirit about going through cancer. It is also because of Him that I live. He is the one that delivers these ideas for blog posts to me and He is the one who deserves the credit for the “good writing.” Secondly, The Lord has brought some incredible things to light during my time of chemo. Other survivors and fellow warriors are contacting me all the time to talk and encourage. Students, have come to me with questions and concerns because someone in their family was just diagnosed. I have seen things in me that I definitely need to change and I have been reminded that I have a chance to do that. Another thing that you might have noticed while reading the blog is the impeccable timing. I mean some of the greatest posts have come from the cancer being right on time. How ironic right? Or maybe it was the treatment? Or maybe it is just God moving? Either way there are a few that stand out. Losing most of my hair, having chemo during the Olympics, chemo on my exact birthday, chemo in the middle of my Spring Break, chemo on the same day as the most impactful episode of Parenthood of the season (I’m Still Here), and finally the end of all the suffering right on the day when all our suffering ended: Good Friday.

Impeccable timing God. Or as Gandalf would say, “A Wizard is never late, He arrives exactly when he means to.” Not saying that God is a Wizard, I am saying that God has a purpose for everything. Good Friday is good to us because it is the day that Jesus took our sins on the cross. He took all of them so that when we stand before God with Christ as our Savior we will be clean. We will be clean because Christ paid that price. It is a really, Good Friday. Not only do I feel great and know that the migraines are behind me, but I also know that Christ took all the sin suffering that I created myself and took that away today too. He paid it all. I owe Him everything.

Celebrate your Good Friday and continue to Journey Strong.

I’m Still Here

April 11, 2014February 11, 2021 yelverto Hodgkin Lymphoma Journey

Disclaimer: If you watch Parenthood and did not see the episode from tonight 4/10/14 I WILL spoil it for you if you read on. That is all.

Today is a day that I typically dread. It’s chemo day. But today was last chemo day. So naturally I was pumped. Don’t get me wrong, I am still pumped to be done. This week has been super busy at school and I really haven’t had much time to think on the magnitude of this trip to the chemo dock.

Today was the last day for me to get Chick-fil-a before chemo. I almost could not finish my meal due to the nerves. They have gotten worse the last three treatments. I dread nausea and the metallic taste that comes in my mouth for the week after chemo. I had my Mississippi State Game Day t-shirt on and I truly was ready for it to be over with. After my last visit to the lab ladies where they take my blood it was again the waiting game. Finally we were led back to a room to begin. I felt sick already.

However, my spirits were high. I constantly updated my facebook and twitter accounts with the final treatment festivities. Festivities being sitting in a chair getting poison pumped into my bloodstream. I did however do something unique. Not only was today the final chemo treatment for me, but it is also Disney’s It’s a Small World’s 50th anniversary celebration. Last Friday my students and I uploaded a video of us all singing the theme from It’s a Small World to help benefit Unicef. Our video was epic. So of course during chemo I watch one of the men that wrote It’s a Small World, Richard Sherman, live in front of the ride in Disneyland answering questions about the song and the ride. This ride of course gets a song stuck in your head and you will all probably hate me for mentioning it. But that’s where our connections begin in this blog post.

It’s a world of laughter, a world of tears
It’s a world of hopes and a world of fears
There’s so much that we share
That it’s time we’re aware
It’s a Small World after all – Richard and Robert Sherman

Readers it truly is a small world. A great big, beautiful small world. Over the past 18 weeks I have battled through 8 chemo treatments. It has been one of the most terrible experiences of my life, if not the worst. And yet it has been one of the greatest things that has ever happened to me. Cancer sucks mainly because it is like the white witch from Narnia. It comes in all shapes and sizes. It can be aggressive and angry or it can be slow and sneaky. No matter which way it comes at you, it disrupts and dismantles. Through my diagnosis, I have met so many others with similar, easier, and harder diagnosis. I have met amazing people who have lived through worse treatments than me, and I have seen others who have passed since I started treatment. The thing is that any one of those people could have been me and I could have been any of them.

Tonight’s episode of Parenthood was incredible. The reason is that I had seen in passing that a character would be returning to the show for an episode. That character was Gwen. Gwen was Christina’s (one of the main characters) friend throughout her bought with breast cancer last season. Gwen is constantly showing up on the show having a relapse of cancer. This episode was incredibly tough, because Gwen passes away in the episode. Christina immediately wants to know why. Why does she get to live and be a mom, wife, daughter, sister, etc. and Gwen does not. Why? It’s such a hard question. In the end Gwen gives a gift to Christina of money to help open a new charter school for exceptional children. That could be me. I will never stop getting checked for cancer for the rest of my life. Also that could be my friends, family, or strangers that I will never know. That could be them. The weight of this disease is incredible……no wonder it makes you so strong.

Wednesday nights I have had the opportunity to lead a bible study on the book of Romans for the past few months. Of course I have skipped a few nights because of chemo side effects, but for the most part I am there. This week we studied Romans 9, which I found tough to teach from. But, there was a verse that I want to talk about now.

“But who are you, a human being, to talk back to God? “Shall what is formed say to the one who formed it, ‘Why did you make me like this?’ Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for special purposes and some for common use?” – Rom 9:20-21

As a sinner, I deserve death, but Christ gives life. I want to tell God all the time, “I know what’s best for me. Here is a list of the things you should make happen.” But see God, the potter took a lump of clay. The same lump of clay that he used to make everyone else, yes even you. He took that clay and made something out of it. He could make a special vase used for special occasions or he could use an everyday cup that gets worn out from daily use. Both these items fulfill a purpose for His glory and we as the clay have a hard time seeing that purpose from the beginning. I have no idea why some die from cancer and some live. I have no idea why I’m still here, but I know who does. Readers many of you have known me since I was a born, maybe you were even there when I came into the world. Many of you might have cancer just like me. Most of you know someone with it. I want you to remember that we are all from the same clay and the same creator. We were molded for a certain purpose and put in this small world. You are still here for a reason. Right now I am the piece of clay that writes what the Potter tells me to each Thursday night. I will continue to do that until He tells me it is time to go back on the shelf.

At the end of my chemo today, a few amazing things happened. The nurses brought me a Purple Heart Certificate to celebrate that I had finished my regimen of chemo. Now I have a Purple Heart like my grandfather does. Although Papaw (Jimmy Clayton) got his from the Battle of the Bulge and another off the coast of France. So completely different, but then I heard the Andy Griffith show theme and remembered Mayberry. I remembered that right now he is there with no diabetes and he is there with my other grandfather Papaw Knot (Benoit Yelverton) who passed from this cancer disease before I met him. I know that right now they could be swapping stories of war because one was in Europe and the other in the Pacific. I just know they are both in Mayberry.

I don’t know all the answers Readers, in fact I know very few of them. All I know is that there are lessons here for all of us. We are all so similar to each other. Love one another. I also know that I’m still here for a purpose. And I will continue to serve the one that knows that purpose. Love God.

“Somewhere down the road, they’ll be answers to the questions
Somewhere down the road, though we cannot see it now
Somewhere down the road, you will find mighty arms reaching for you
And they will hold the answers at the end of the road.” – Amy Grant

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” – Rom 8:28

As Ernest Hemingway said, “no tears in the writer, no tears in the reader.” I assure you I have cried my share on this post.

I am still here, it’s a small world after all, and there is a reason. I love you all Readers. Journey strong.

Not what you think

April 4, 2014May 7, 2015 yelverto Hodgkin Lymphoma Journey

First off let me say this has been a great week….comparatively. We tried some anti-anxiety medicine to calm down my heart rate and nerves and stop the onslaught of migraines. This worked. Also, I took it easy. I didn’t do much to write about. Also a gift from our now good friend Patty, has done wonders as well. She sent me a few boxes of Migraine patches that work sort of like ice packs, aromatherapy, and Dr. Scholls for your head. At the first tick of a headache, I put one of these cool patches on my head and there is almost instant relief. Definitely a blessing. I say that I took it slow this week and I am being honest. The weather was so beautiful this week and we really wanted to get out and take a walk. I had the start of a migraine by the time we were around the block. Home we went and we stopped it before it started. So needless to say, Chemo has made me pretty pitiful when it comes to athletic activity.

Another new discovery this week was the bath. Carly told me I really should try to take a hot bath to relax. I was skeptical at first, but after I spent half an hour soaking in our jacuzzi tub with the lights out and acoustic guitar pandora playing, I was sold. I have taken more baths this week than I have in the past 20 years. Now for us to just put in the hot tub out back…..(or install a Prefects bathroom, that would be even better minus Moaning Myrtle).

So with this new regimen of medicine, patches, baths, and other sorts I have had a pretty good week. Those around me have probably had more fun watching me deal with the medicine. It has made me a pretty goofy person for most of the week. I already make jokes, but now I am singing and laughing as well. It’s pretty comical. But I would much rather be goofy than wiped out from a migraine any day. So if you catch me singing songs from Footloose or Disney show tunes today, you know why.

As I have been this different person for the past couple of months I have seen a constant need to change. Christ calls us each day to leave our selfish desires behind and follow Him. I am the biggest person at fault for this. Although Cancer has truly shown me how easily a body is broken down, it has also shown me how easily a will can be. My words might help others and people might read this blog and think that I have it altogether. That I have a perfect relationship with Christ, that I make good decisions at every cross roads, that I am never evil minded towards others, that I study the bible and know it front to back, and so on and so on. I am here to tell you that all that is false. I am not what you think.

This week I have been a different person due to my goofy side effects. Daily I am a different person due to how close I am to Christ. It is posts like these that bring up Brennan Manning and The Ragamuffin Gospel. I am a beat up and burnt out follower. The journey is tough and honestly I can’t do it. Again don’t believe that I am a Saint or some perfect person, no I am the worst. I am the lowest of low. So where do I go from here. Where do I go from knee deep in sin and selfishness.

“But God demonstrates His love like this, while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” -Rom 5:8

“My deepest awareness of myself is that I am deeply loved by Jesus Christ and I have done nothing to earn it or deserve it.” – Brennan Manning

I am reminded of something that a friend told me in college. Before you sin, Satan reminds you of God’s forgiveness. After you sin, Satan reminds you of God’s wrath. What a trick, we are fooled by. We think we are too dirty, too wrong, too ugly, too broken, too beyond gone, too lost, too mad, too doubtful, too scared, and too much work for God. We are wrong. He wants us.

He says come to me those who are hurting, those who are weary, those who long for love. He says come just like you are, bring all that dirt with you. I’ll clean you.

No, God is not what you think either. He is so much more than any of us can think. And He wants you with all that comes with it. What a joy divine.

“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” – Rom 8:38-39

The Final Countdown

March 28, 2014May 7, 2015 yelverto Hodgkin Lymphoma Journey

When I began this journey with Hodgkin Lymphoma a few months ago, I really didn’t know what to expect. My father went through the same regimen for the most part, but even though I was very close to him during all that struggle, I was still not ready for the full “Cancer” treatment. For those of your that really know me, you know that I am not a very patient person. That goes for having patience and being a patient (see what I did there?). Today was chemo treatment number 7. If you remember my first treatment was on December 27th of last year. That seems like an eternity ago. That was even before I started my blog. Now I am a veteran of the chemo ward. Everybody knows my name there, just like Norm from Cheers. I have now had the pleasure of sitting in all the different nooks and crannies in the chemo dock. I have also run the gamit of side effects. I went through hair loss, metallic mouth, exhaustion, nausea, and migraines. I have had some of the worst days of my life these past few months, but I must say I have also had a few of my best days. And you know readers, I really couldn’t have had those best days without cancer. Really think about that. Our trials in life are what make life beautiful. They are the things that expose us for who we really are. A few years ago through a series of actions some good, a lot bad, I lost many of my closest friends. It was one of the best times of my life, because it was so awful. When my father went through chemotherapy I was in middle school. Then my parents separated for a time. Because of my dad’s journey, I had a guide here with me every step of the way. Because of that time apart, my parents love each other more today than they ever did, and they love us (the kids) better too. I know I probably sound like a broken record by now. Maybe I look at the bright side of life too much or maybe thats just the way God wants it. Don’t get me wrong, many days I am just ready for this to be over. However, I can’t help but sit back and think, “God what are you really doing here.” It has got to be good.

When I was in high school I was a part of the nation’s #1 showchoir in America, Clinton Attache’. I played trumpet in the pit. Being in this group was one of the top 5 choices of my life (bet you wonder what the other 4 were). We traveled the country competing and my class never lost a competition. Now I get to see my students perform just like I did when I was there age. There are three songs that were my absolute favorite songs that Attache’ ever did. Two of them I got to perform. Gold by Prince and Separate Ways by Journey. One of them I never played and that was The Final Countdown by Europe. That’s where I am readers. The Final Countdown. Can’t you hear the music? (ba-da-da-duh, ba-da-dat-da-duh, ba-da-da-duh, ba-da-dat-da-da-da-duh). One more treatment to go. Wow.

But here’s the deal. Today we met with the doctor and I thought we were going to go ahead and place another PET scan and set the final treatment and talk radiation and the next steps, but that really didn’t happen. See we schedule the last chemo treatment for this time. And we scheduled a scan for a month after my last visit, May 7th. Then we changed some nausea med that I was getting to try to combat my migraines. Thats it. No talk about next steps. Then I realized why…..It might not be over. Some people can’t talk about their cancer story and now I know why. I can’t imagine going back. I can’t imagine a recurrence of this experience. But it happens….everyday. After Carly and I were alone in the room after our doctor left, the tears came. Not because I was thinking of death, but because I was thinking about life continuing with me visiting the Red Devil every two weeks. But readers, I can’t live like that. (cue the music)

It’s the Final Countdown.

Oh and cancer and me are not done yet. I have a bone to pick with it. Don’t think I haven’t forgotten about the big announcements coming to the blog. They are still coming. Some of you think you know them all, but you don’t. I am seeing more and more why I have to go through this and I hope you continue on this ride with me.

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complet, not lacking anything.” – James 1:2-4

ba-da-da-duh, ba-da-dat-da-duh, ba-da-da-duh, ba-da-dat-da-da-da-duh

“Looking back at the road so far

The Journey’s left its share of scars

Mostly from leaving the narrow and straight

Looking back it is clear to me

That a man is more than the sum of his deeds

And how You’ve made good of this mess I’ve made

Is a profound mystery

Looking back you know you had to bring me through

All that I was so a afraid of

Though I questioned the sky, now I see why

Had to walk the rocks to see the mountain view

Looking back I see the lead of love.” – Caedmon’s Call – Lead of Love

It’s the Final Countdown

ba-da-da-duh, ba-da-dat-da-duh, ba-da-da-duh, ba-da-dat-da-da-da-duh

April 10th – last treatment

May 7th – we get to see the hole where a diease used to be.

What Mr. Rogers Taught Me

March 23, 2014May 7, 2015 yelverto Hodgkin Lymphoma Journey

I watched a lot of TV growing up. It wasn’t that my parents weren’t interested in me or that I was terribly unathletic (although I was terribly unathletic), I just really enjoyed it. Being a kid of the 80s and 90s really set me up for some quality television. More on that at another time. Really I wanted to focus on not my favorite show, but a show that came to mind to me this week. Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood was one of the oddest shows ever made. Really lets be honest the puppets were terrifying. They were something out of a horror movie and the voices they had were equally disturbing. Really the big draw of the show was not the puppets and other characters, but Mr. Roger himself. The way that he introduced himself to his audience. He always made you feel comfortable and welcome. Then he spoke words that were just for you. Made you hear them, not by force, but because you wanted to hear them. That’s when I heard about being kind to others, sharing, lending a helping hand, and that hard word to understand, empathy. Another key thing that Mr. Rogers said is listed in a small book I have on my desk at school. Its a book of quotes by Mr. Rogers and on the front is a mirror and the words, “You are Special.” I think I got this book as a graduation gift. I still look at it and smile today, because I mean how can’t you smile at that. Well in that book is a quote that goes something like this:

“Sometimes it is not a sign of weakness when you ask for help….sometimes it is a sign of strength.”

I don’t know if I have ever been the kind of person that liked to handle things alone. I have always been the one to want to have someone there with me through every situation. I like companionship and friendship. However, I am one stubborn kid. I hate to be told no and thats not possible. I also don’t like to be taken care of. You can ask my parents. I hated to be told what to do. For instance, if I was supposed to clean my room it had to be on my terms. I didn’t want to be told now was the time to clean. I wanted to clean in Bryce’s time. Same thing with getting out of bed in the morning. I wanted to get up when I wanted to, not when anyone else wanted me to. This obsession has overflowed into my classroom. Not that I have the most organized room in the world, but my process is set and my way of distribution and grading and leading class is perfect for my room. I love it. All of this is leading up for me to tell you that this week was the worst week of my year.

It started off just fine. All the problems arose on Tuesday at lunch. See my “bad days” after chemo are typically the Tuesday and Wednesday directly after treatment. This Tuesday saw the arrival of another migraine episode. I really hate migraines. I used to suffer from them a lot more in high school and college, but they have only just resurfaced again since chemo. Migraines are very elusive things. No one really knows why they happen or how to effectively stop them. Everyone who suffers through them like me have some tricks of the trade to handle them. Sometimes these little aids help and sometimes they just do nothing. Really nothing works well to stop the pain. A migraine means I am out for the next 3-4 hours. And there is nothing I can do to stop it. The most frustrating part is that a migraine looks like nothing to the common bystander. They see no physical pain besides that which you show on your face. No one around you really knows the pain you are going through except you. At least when people see someone break a leg they aren’t wondering if the guy is faking it. With me I am always like, “I have a migraine.” But I feel like people hear me say, “my head hurts a little bit.” I wish the pain I felt was visible on the outside, like my head was bulging or something. Here is how my migraines start:

First, one of my eyes, usually my right eye begins to have blots of my vision missing. I can’t focus, my vision begins to blur, and I lose a bit of depth perception. It is almost like I lose sight out of my eye with it being completely open. As my vision comes back, a slight ache begins above my left eyebrow. My vision comes back completely, but the pain is becoming greater. I begin to sweat from the stress and strain. My words start to slur and stumble. I can’t figure out what I am trying to say. The pain is now so great that it is all I focus on. Light hurts to look at. Sound begins to feel like it is bouncing in my skull. I have to run. Nausea sets in. All I want to do is rip the pain out. Nothing makes the pain subside. And there I twist and turn for hours until I either throw up all that is in my stomach and fall asleep or I get medicine that knocks me out before the nausea is done. Laying in the dark with an ice pack on my forehead helps, but it is no match for the pain. And there I am waiting for the pain to subside.

That scene was my Tuesday afternoon. That scene was my Wednesday most of the day. That scene was my Thursday afternoon. Each day I tried a different medicine approach. Each day the medicine failed to help. Every day I woke up feeling good and went to school to teach. Every day I felt my vision begin to “short out” and I knew what was coming. After three days of nausea, headaches, and frustration, I took Friday off just in case. I took the day slow and tried to pick up the pieces of my mess of a week. We found out that migraines really weren’t usual chemo side effects. So that means I am unique….yay. Another theory might be that the migraines are caused by anxiety brought on by the chemo. Also I have two more treatments left and if this is a sign of things to come, I really dread the last two trips. But I can’t think like that for the anxiety in me might explode. All I know is that I am ready for the end.

I really had to learn that lesson from Mr. Rogers this week. I could not have made it through this week alone. I needed help. I needed my wife to fix me the best ice pack ever made and hold it on my forehead while I slept. She also covered up windows in our bedroom to block the light out. I needed my fellow teachers to step in and take care of my students that I had to leave in the middle of the day. Again I am reminded of how amazing it is to have willing and able people around you who care about you. I had to sit down and swallow my pride and say, “I can’t do this.” I think Mr. Rogers is right. It is harder sometimes to say you need help.

So many people ask me all the time what can they do and I always say, “oh nothing,” or “just pray.” The fact is that it is so much harder to accept the gift of help. We are such selfish beings. We think we can do it all, but the truth is that we really can’t. So thanks everyone for stepping up and saying, “let me do that.” This week, I really couldn’t have done it without you.

Spring Forward……..Fall Back

March 14, 2014February 11, 2021 yelverto Hodgkin Lymphoma Journey

Most people love Spring Break. I am one of those people. I have always had a Spring Break. It is one of the many perks of being a teacher. Ever since I was young, Spring Break has always meant vacation. Mainly those vacations were in Disney World. When I was in 9th grade, I went to Disney World with my good friend Geoff and his family. It was epic. In college, I went with a group of friends from Mississippi College. That trip too was epic. This year there would be no Disney World. Instead there would be chemo. I love this time of year at Disney and really just this time of year. Spring Break this year began with Daylight Savings Time, which is great that there is more sunlight after 5 pm. I love long afternoons that extend into the evenings. It is a grea time to have a walk or play some frisbee. It is also a great time to be at EPCOT at Disney World. EPCOT just started their annual Flower and Garden Festival, which showcases the Disney Park’s green thumb. You really can see the change from Winter barren to Spring bloom.

So what did I do on my Spring Break? The answer is a lot, just not what I wanted. Saturday and Monday were work days with my father and brother in law. They came over and helped fix my front door handle and the front of our bathtub in the master bath. Monday we installed a new microwave, replaced a busted headlight, hung pictures, fixed a hole in the fence, and I got the pleasure of visiting Comcast. Tuesday I visited the Mississippi State Capital with my dad. He works there when the legislature is in session and I enjoy learning more about his work and visiting with his colleagues. Many of them have been praying for me and I wanted to say thank you and also show that I am alive and well thanks in part to their support. Wednesday saw lunch at the Old Capital Inn for some Crab Cakes, some work on my graduate project for MSU, and some Settlers of Catan with my good buddy Adam. I was one wheat away from victory. They should have let me win…..I mean I do have cancer. Today saw the end of that. Today was chemo treatment 6.

I agree that this Spring Break did have good times. I was blessed by many of the experiences listed above and others not listed. However, it was not what I wanted to be doing. I wanted to be at EPCOT, watching the flowers grow, or the beach, eating seafood, or the mountains, watching the sunset over the Smokies. This week kind of reflects the experience I have had with cancer. Yes there are good moments and good memories. Yes I am learning and growing and truly thriving in this treatment process. And yet it is really not where I want to be.

A new list of things that I hate about chemo:

1. I literally dread the saline solution used to clean out my port before and after treatment. Everytime I drive by the Cancer Clinic on I-55 I feel the metallic taste in my teeth and gums. It truly is terrible.

2. I hate. I repeat, hate the drip machine. beep, beep, beep, beep, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP. Yes the alarm gets louder when it is time to reset the timer or cut it off. I almost threw it out the window today, which would have been comical because I would have gone out the window with it.

3. I hate the Red Devil. After 6 treatments, I feel the nausea. Its a different nausea though. Instead of being intense, it is a dull nausea. Like I just can’t shake it. I actually asked the nurse today if anyone cried when the Red Devil was going in. I promptly held back tears.

4. I hate feeling groggy afterwards and really just like a pile of dump.

But see back in the day, I had a great youth minister at my church. Her name was Jan. She has since passed away. On every youth trip with her we would sit around at night and play good and gripe. Everyone said something they hated that day and something they liked. Your goods had to be greater than or equal to your gripes. So with that here are the good things about this week:

1. fixed door and microwave
2. much needed hours of doing nothing
3. lunch at both Two Sisters (fried chicken!) and Old Capital Inn(Crab Cakes!)
4. lunch before chemo with our great friends the Sharpes and their 5 amazing kiddos at Chick fil a
5. listening to acoustic guitar Pandora
6. listening to EPCOT background music while driving around running errands

So there the goods out weigh the gripes. Sometimes its great to just have a little perspective. Life will always have the Spring Forwards and the Fall Backs, but we have to keep the positives. I could sit and complain all day about my metallic mouth or the nausea OR I could laugh it off and know that I am getting healed.

There is a season for everything under the sun.

There is a time<sup class=”crossreference” style=”font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; line-height: normal; vertical-align: top;” value=”(A)”> for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:    
a time to be born and a time to die,
 a time to plant and a time to uproot,    

a time to kill<sup class=”crossreference” style=”font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; line-height: normal; vertical-align: top;” value=”(C)”> and a time to heal,    
a time to tear down and a time to build,     
a time to weep and a time to laugh,    
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,

 a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

 a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent<sup class=”crossreference” style=”font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; line-height: normal; vertical-align: top;” value=”(D)”> and a time to speak,

 a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace.  – Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
 
Now it is a time for something big.  BIG NEWS coming soon to the blog.  You can go to my website bryceyelverton.blogspot.com and subscribe to the blog with your email, simply type your email address in the blank on the right side of the page.  Keep waiting for there is a time for everything and soon it is time for ACTION!

What’s in a name? Part 2

March 7, 2014February 11, 2021 yelverto Hodgkin Lymphoma Journey

“Hello my name is Child of the One True King.” – Matthew West

“Your name shall no longer be called Jacob, but Israel, for you have striven with God and with men, and have prevailed.” – Genesis 32:28

Childlike Empress: He doesn’t understand that he’s the one who has the power to stop it(the Nothing). He simply can’t imagine that one little boy could be that important.
Bastian: Is it really me?
Atreyu: Maybe he doesn’t know what he has to do!
Bastian: What do I have to do?!
Childlike Empress: He has to give me a new name. He’s already chosen it, he just has to call it out.

– The Neverending Story

“Remember who you are.” – Mufasa

Part 1 of this week’s thoughts focused on my name: Bryce David Yelverton. As I said before, my name was never enough for me. I am a guy who loves titles. I love to be thought of as someone more than Bryce. Like for instance: I love DIsney stuff. Like I can talk movies, theme parks, company history, etc. til my tongue falls out. So naturally some people around me refer to me as the Disney Guy. I like that. There are also titles that I hate. For instance: I hate being called a jerk. Yes it has happened more than a few times. Yes I did deserve it. But again you can probably agree that being called the Disney Guy is way better than the jerk.

One of the most influential books I have ever read is Wild at Heart by John Eldridge. I read it once as a high school kid, but I read it again when I was older. I also joined a Wild at Heart men’s group for a few years not that long ago. Wild at Heart had so many good things that I apply to myself now. One of those things is a question that all men have. That question is, “Do I have what it takes?” So many times I look in the mirror and ask myself that question, “Do I have what it takes?” Even though I feel like that question has been answered many times, I still ask again and again. Last week I got an answer to that question in the most amazing way.

So go with me back to my childhood. Really the childhood of most kids born in the late 80s/early 90s. There were a few staples to films that all those kids would know. I am going to talk about two. The Neverending Story and The Lion King. Let’s start with the wildcard: The Neverending Story. If you haven’t seen this movie, do yourself a favor and watch it. I must warn you it is weird. The story is a journey of a young boy, Bastion, who loves to read and in fact the book that he reads turns out to be real. The book focuses on the journey of Atreyu, a young warrior, who is trying to save the world of Fantasia from destruction by helping to save the life of the Childlike Empress (still with me here?). So the end of the movie has Bastion realizing that he has to be the one to save the Childlike Empress and the only way to do it……is to give her a name. What? Give her a name thats it? When I was a kid I thought this was ridiculous. Plus in the movie you can’t even understand what name Bastion gives the Childlike Empress (because he yells it in a storm). However, it worked. Giving the Empress a name, saved the whole world of Fantasia. There is power in names.

Another great hit of the 90s was The Lion King. Probably a film you are more aware of. The Lion King is one of the best animated movies of all time. Simba is a young lion cub and heir to the throne. Mufasa, Simba’s father, dies in the middle of the movie (and thus tramatized my childhood). Simba, thinking that he was the cause of his father’s death, runs away and his evil cousin Scar takes over the throne. Simba escapes to a tropical paradise and leaves his cares behind, but Mufasa appears to him in a dreamlike sequence to tell him he must go back and take the throne. The key part of this movie is this scene where Mufasa appears to Simba in clouds and tells him a key phrase that still resonates with me today: “Remember who you are.”

I am constantly asking my question to God and everyone else in my life. Do I have what it takes? God’s answer; Remember who you are.

So recently I have been battling the urge to give up. I hate cancer. I hate chemotherapy. I hate the metallic taste in my mouth. I hate the numbness in my fingertips. I hate the dull nausea and the fear of headaches. I hate it. Last week was my birthday as most of you know. I received lots of cards and letters of love from dear friends, new friends, and even strangers. I also received a package in the mail from a great family friend of mine: Maggie. Maggie’s parents have been friends with my family for years. They used to help babysit me and my sister, Becca when we were little. I even pooped on Maggie’s dad’s leg as an infant (he still wishes his kids had done the same to me, but alas that has not happened yet). Anyway you get the point. During Thanksgiving week, Maggie made me a Rainbow loom bracelet. If you don’t know what a Rainbow loom bracelet is, just ask any kid you know that is under the age of 12. I started wearing the bracelet during my cancer treatment to remind me that people are praying for me and that people love me. Maggie’s mom told me that Maggie was making me a new bracelet that was Maroon and White for Mississippi State. I assumed that this was what was in the package.

Opening the package, I found not only a bracelet for me, but also bracelets for my whole family. Each set of bracelets had the name of the design of the Rainbow Loom bracelet that she made. For my parents, they received Fishtails. For my sister and brother-in-law, they received Ladders. For my wife, she received a Zippy Chain. And this was what my design was called:

Warrior.

At that moment, not only did I start weeping (really it was snot crying), but I also heard clearly the answer to my question. “God, do I have what it takes?” And He said, “Remember who you are, you are my son and a warrior.” He gave me another name. Warrior. I know that crying is not necessarily a warrior thing to do, but beating cancer is. The name was not yelled in a storm, nor was it in the voice of James Earl Jones, it was written by the hand of a child, who chose to make a nice bracelet for a friend. A child that God chose to use as a vessel for his voice.

There is so much power in names. That is why so many praying people, use Jesus’ name when they pray. They say, “In Jesus name.” Because His name is powerful. And the names He gives his children are powerful too.

Do you have what it takes to ask if you have what it takes?

Jesus in Your Name we pray

Come and fill our hearts today

Lord, give us strength to live for You and glorify Your Name

Your Name is a strong and mighty tower

Your Name is a shelter like no other

Your Name, let the nations sing it louder

‘Cause nothing has the power to save but Your Name – Your Name by Phillips, Craig, and Dean

“The nations will see your vindication, and all kings your glory; you will be called by a new name that the mouth of the Lord will bestow.” – Isaiah 62:2

And for all of you that want to know what name Bastion gives the Childlike Empress – it’s MoonChild. Yeah I know, I was disappointed too. Oh, but I do have a dog that looks like Falkor.

What’s in a name? Part 1

March 5, 2014May 7, 2015 yelverto Hodgkin Lymphoma Journey

“Hello. My name is Inigo Mantoya you killed my father….prepare to die” – Inigo Mantoya

“They call me Mr. Tibbs” – Virgil Tibbs

“My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.” – Gladiator

“Sons of Scotland!…I am William Wallace!”

“William Wallace is seven feet tall!”

“Yes I have heard! He kills men by the hundreds! And if he were here, he would consume the English with fireballs from his eyes, and bolts of lightning from his ass!” – Braveheart

My name is Bryce David Yelverton

Do you ever wonder about the origins of your name? My name is unique. Bryce is not a name you hear a lot these days. David you see a good bit. Yelverton well yeah you don’t really see a lot of Yelvertons either. There is so much time, energy, and money that is thrown at picking the perfect name. Some parents knew what they were going to name their children way before they even had kids. Some think of a name on the spur of the moment. Your name is so important when you really think about it. When someone wants to be cleared of a crime or bad action they say, “clear my name.” Now that doesn’t mean that we need to clear away any smudges on paper or rewrite the name, it means that our honor or our reputation has been broken and smudged. Our name means so much more than just letters on a page. Like just look at my name.

Bryce David Yelverton

Bryce – Anglo-Saxon, Celtic, or Scottish meaning

Anglo-Saxon – Son of a Nobleman

Celtic – Swift

Scottish – Speckled

Ok so I do have freckles, but I am not very fast. I like the first meaning: son of a nobleman. It shows more than just a fact. Son of a person who is noble. Son of a person who has power or wealth. Son in a family where there is respect or high reputation. Another cool thing about Bryce is that it is the name of a National Park in Utah. Bryce Canyon National Park. One of the most beautiful places I have ever been. It was found by a group of Mormons traveling out West. Their leader was Ebeneezer Bryce. Thus the namesake. It is not this fact that ties me to this vista though. It is the fact that I am a massive Disney fan. You are confused because how did I get from my name to a canyon to Disney. See when Disney was working on Big Thunder Mountain Railroad, the imagineers (the creative minds behind the rides and attractions) looked to Bryce Canyon National Park as one of their references for created Big Thunder, which just happens to be one of my favorite rides (and the wildest ride in the wilderness). So when I think of Bryce, I don’t think spotted or swift, but I do think about how I am secretly connected to that beautiful canyon in Utah and my favorite attraction in Frontierland.

David- Hebrew as well as many other origins

Hebrew – beloved, or friend

All the translations of the name David are beloved. David has a special place in my name. First off is sounds great with Bryce. Just say it: Bryce David. Some at my church used to call me that when I was little. David, however, is much more than just a name to me. I was introduced to King David when I was little. He beat Goliath. Always thought that was a cool story. It was later in life that I found out that David didn’t always do good. In fact David screwed up a bunch too. This made me like him more. See David was a mighty king. He did so much good for his people, but David also was an adulterer. He stole someone else’s wife and ensured the death of that husband. David was a sinner and yet he is referred to as the man after God’s own heart. David did so many great things and paved the way for the leaders after him. He was a great leader and a seeker of God. And also he had blemishes. David saw his short falls through the prophet Nathan. He repented and asked forgiveness and sought after God for all his days. How could I not love that name. Life is not perfect and I make mistakes, but having a name like David reminds me that there is redemption in seeking God. You see Bryce David, I see Bryce Beloved and Bryce Redemption.

Yelverton – a name of a town in Devon

Now besides being the name of a town where the Yelvertons originated, I do not know much about what Yelverton means. But if you would let me take a different approach on the name Yelverton, I can show you why it means so much to me. The Yelverton’s are my family. The name Yelverton means so much more than just a group of people. The Yelvertons are some of most loving, giving, and caring individuals that I know. When I think Yelverton though, I remember all the family reunions and get togethers that always felt like home, even if it wasn’t at home. I wear the name Yelverton with pride because those are my people (as Dolly Parton would say). They are me and I could not be prouder of that name.

So there it is. My name. I do love my name, because it has so much of who I am embedded between the letters. It has my love of Disney, my passion for God, and the legacy that created me all wrapped into three words. But that name was not enough for me. See I am funny about names. This week I had an encounter with names and it truly rocked my cancer world. But that story is for next time.

For now, what’s in your name? What is hiding in there that shows who you are and what you are about? What is your legacy?

Chemotherapy in my Birthday Suit

February 28, 2014May 7, 2015 yelverto Hodgkin Lymphoma Journey

What was your last birthday like? Let me tell you about mine. It was incredible.

Birthdays have never really been that important to me. Mainly because I never really felt that important to other people. There have been many attempts to make me happy on my birthday. One year we went bowling. One year the whole theme was aliens (90s right?). I have a VHS video of my 2nd birthday. We would watch it just to see me burst into tears during the prayer before we eat. I also got Cinderella for my birthday that year (guess that explains alot…..mainly the Disney obsession). There were many sleep overs with lots of Pizza, cake, and Nintendo 64 (Goldeneye people….Goldeneye). Then there were the years where everyone was determined to give me a surprise birthday party…..yeah only worked once. I caught you all every other time! But that one time scared me real bad, so kudos I suppose. To me my birthday was never about the presents. It was always about the people. I really feel loved when people tell me what I mean to them. Also I really enjoy just spending time with people whom I love and who love me. It is a good thing that birthdays are never really about the presents, because I am the worst at hiding how I really feel about my gift that I receive. So naturally I turn red anytime I open gifts from people. Having wedding showers was the worst for this. One year for Christmas my grandmother got me a statue of an Indian princess sitting on a rock with two wolves on either side (“Nanny, I LOVE it, I can’t wait to put this on display and impress my friends. Nothing says greatness like this Indian princess with wolves.”). My grandmother loved figurines so we got our fair share. I digress. Birthdays are a time where people treat you like they treat you at Disney World. They are kind to you, they praise your accomplishments, they celebrate that you are in their lives, and they genuinely care for you. Birthdays have always been great for my ego. Like I said, I feel loved when people tell me how much they love me and appreciate me. This is typically known as today as giving words of affirmation or encouragement. I need this daily. Birthdays give this to me in steroid form. Then Facebook was created.

I remember those first years when Facebook was up and running. I remember getting tons more messages and posts on my wall during my birthday than any other time. Every year it got better. One friend posted right before their birthday, “let the birthday messages commence.” Boy were they right. It really goes to show that a little two word phrase can make a person feel so much better than they were the few seconds ago. It is the little things that build up and give us strength to make it through our day. The little messages. Today so many people wished me happy birthday. I almost never return the favor, but that is not why people take the time. They simply pay love forward.

Thanks to skipping one week of chemo therapy, I had a chemo treatment today….on my birthday. I honestly was dreading it. I am over halfway through with chemo and I am ready for it to be over. But you see, there was much more in store for me this day that I would ever imagine. At school, the teachers on my hall had a big breakfast pitch in for me. They knew I wouldn’t eat lunch at school so they had breakfast. I ate 5 doughnuts. And some other goods too. Then I entered my room just to find it completely decked out with balloons and streamers that my first period students set up for me. Then as they came in one by one after the bell, each student had something different: cupcakes, drinks, rotel, more doughnuts, candy, etc. Such a kind gesture for their teacher. It meant the world to me. I sounded so corny asking the students to take a group picture with me, but you know I need that memory. Next period, three students arrive at my door with party hats and t-shirts that said, “Happy Birthday, Yelverton!” on them. Again such a kind gesture just to make me feel special. I even got a few dollars. It’s the small stuff people. The little things. Those are the ones that really count. Hug a teacher tomorrow.

12:00 – game time – chick fil a – poly sauce – numbing cream – blood work – extremely low white blood count – fear that we would skip treatment – treatment goes forward – and then: enter my sister with a cake and again party hats.

Last time I had treatment, Becca thought it would be cool if we brought a cake up to the chemo dock to share since it was my birthday. So after I got my piece, Carly and Becca brought cake to all the nurses at the Cancer Center. Celebrate always. Celebrate the small things. Life is short….eat cake first.

My day was not over. After the Facebook messages, the phone calls, the texts, the cake, the doughnuts, the poisonous liquids, the benadryl coma, and the drive home, Carly and I saw our house and huge banners covering the front door. In the mailbox was more mail than I have ever received in my life in one day. I can’t tell you how encouraging the words were in those letters. Tears of blessing have followed.

Today was a great day. Today was a terrible day. Today was just another day in this Cancer journey. Today I realized that, “Wow, I am loved” by the people around me. It is one thing for God to love you and another to have Him provide others around me to distribute that love in a new way. I can’t put into words how humbling that is. You reading this is humbling. You taking time to respond to my words is humbling. It truly amazes me. Thank you. Thank you for loving me through this. Thank you for reading my journey. God has surrounded me with such a great cloud of witnesses and friends and family. Thank you.

This has been the greatest birthday. Because today, not only did I celebrate one more year alive, but I also actively pursued living until my next. I had chemotherapy on my birthday, so that I could have another birthday. And I will. Next year though, I’ll skip the chemo. I love you all.

“Thank you for being a friend.” – Golden Girls

“Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art… It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.” – C. S. Lewis

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, the other can pick them up, but pity the one who falls and has no one to help them up!” – Ecc. 4:9-10

“A friend loves at all times and a brother is born for adversity.” Proverbs 17:17

Journey Strong Dear Readers – Thanks for being a friend.

Humble Pie

February 21, 2014May 7, 2015 yelverto Hodgkin Lymphoma Journey

To eat humble pie – to act very humble when one is shown to be wrong

First off, it was a great week. No migraine. No nausea. Of course there was the complete numbness in my fingers and hands for a few days. And there was you know that complete weird feeling that something is wrong. But really in the grand scheme of the week, it was a great one. When I was beginning my journey as a blogger, I was really just trying to give people an easy way to get an update on my progress and to ease their minds. I truly never thought that many people would take a look at this site.

Wrong.

Recently I have really been questioning my career as a teacher. I am sure we all do this no matter the profession. I made it over the hump of 5 years as a teacher and education has not run me off yet. But still I question is this really what I am made for. I teach Geometry and Trig/Advanced Algebra. Some days I truly wonder why I am teaching some of this stuff. Honestly people I adore Mathematics and I respect it. I just cannot make learning the Fundamental Theorem of Algebra sexy or most other topics for that matter. (Although I do have a pretty incredible ratio and proportions lesson that revolves around Disney (see previous posts)). That being said, many days I wonder if I am even making an impact. I think do these kids even hear me? Surely they don’t.

Wrong.

A big thought in the world today is that God doesn’t care about the details. He doesn’t care about the minute things that we care about. Like if we wake up to see the sunrise or feel a cool breeze or eat a favorite piece of candy. The thought goes something like, “yeah God CARES about the BIG things like, you know, MAJOR struggles and fears and doubts, but he could care LESS about the other stuff.”

Wrong.

When I look back at my life, I see mistakes. I see decisions I have made that hurt people. I see the downfalls, the failures, the embarrassment. Others see it too. They tell me about them to my face and behind my back. I feel worthless. I feel guilty. I feel shame. Surely that is what God sees, because He sees everything. He knows more secrets than anyone. He sees me as the scum that I am.

Wrong.

I actually feared this week. I was afraid on Monday, when I felt down all day. Not ill just down and weak. I truly trembled all day on Wednesday, worried about another migraine. Yet all week, I have slowly realized that God loves me. No this is not a new sensation, yet it feels new again. Here is how it went. First there was no illness. No Migraine. No nausea. No pain. Then the most incredible things began happening.
Monday afternoon, while my students were taking a test, a former student came into my room with a poster. She brought it to my desk and there in front of me was a picture of Timon and Pumbaa with the words Hakuna Matata written in big letters across it (that means no worries). No only that, but the poster was signed by people…Lots of people. To say I was touched is an understatement. I barely kept it together. The next morning though, I walked into my room to find my walls covered with student artwork, depicting different characters from the world of Disney. Many of those too filled with signatures and notes from students and teachers. I was floored. God says, “hey Mr. Yelverton, you are loved.” Thank goodness noone was in the room to see the waterworks. That moment might have been the greatest moment of my career as an educator. It had nothing to do with math.

Wednesday night I was feeling great and I got to teach bible study at the church to the youth group. We are studying Romans and man does Paul remind us we are guilty. But the thing is, I love teaching. It doesn’t matter if it is math, the bible, Disney, I love to teach. God says, “hey Bryce, go teach, you are good at it.”

Thursday and I am feeling like my old self again. My “non chemo” self. Lunch is great, but see I just introduced Theta to my Geometry students and Theta is kind of spelled like Feta and that makes me really just want to eat Keifer’s (greek restaurant in Jackson). Saturday is my father in law’s birthday so Carly and I called and asked him if we could take him to dinner. His pick. We call him on the way and say, “where you want to eat?” He says, “I just had this crazy thought to go to Keifer’s, what do you think?” God says, “hey Bryce, go eat a Gryo.”

Wednesday night after church I pretended like I needed to go to Kroger to get some few essentials like deodorant and toothpaste, but really I knew that the Easter candy was being put out now that Valentine’s is over. I got to Kroger just to see boxes blocking the now Easter candy aisle. My beloved Sweettart Jelly Beans were not yet ready to be sold to the public. (I did buy deodorant don’t worry) While at dinner, my mom calls me and asks if we are at home. I say no, why? She says, “oh I have some bags of Sweettart Jelly Beans for you.” She places them in my mailbox. I am eating them while I type. God says, “Bryce, I know you.”

Now bare with me. I know some of this can truly be blown way out of proportion. You might be thinking, “God does not care about you getting Jelly Beans.” But you see to me it is all too clear. God is in the details. He is there when you look for Him. It wasn’t because I challenged him. God give me Jelly Beans so I know you are out there. No it was the still, small voice. It was quiet. But I heard him loud and clear. “Son, you are loved.”

Sometimes I just have to sit down and admit I am wrong. Eat a big piece of humble pie. Because God does not see me as a pile of mistakes and failures. He does care about what I care about. He wants to hear about it and experience it with me. He came for me even in my sin. He does care about the details. He cares about your details too.

“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” – Romans 5:8

You have searched me, Lord, and you know me.

You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.